What’s the Essence of What You Want?

Lately, I’m feeling really excited about things. There’s a lot I want to do, a lot I want to create. The thing is, the more I’m in “doing mode,” the more I see that needs to be done. It’s kinda like when you tell yourself to look for all the red things in a room, you suddenly see a ton of red.

So on Tuesday, I was feeling frustrated because I hadn’t done a lot of what I’d planned to get done. I sat at my desk at the end of the day wondering where the day had gone. My cat jumped up into my lap, and I began breathe more slowly. I began to relax. (Ever noticed how cats tend to have that effect?)

I asked myself, why am I so upset that I haven’t accomplished what I wanted to accomplish today? The answer was, because I’m really excited about my writing, my coaching, and all my projects. And I want to get them out there, I want to share them with people.

I asked myself, why do you want to share them? The answer was, because I want to connect with my peeps. I want the feeling state of sharing myself with, and giving to, my right people. And I don’t feel like I did that today.

I asked myself, Really? What did you do today?

And then I started laughing. I’d spent the morning with one of my very favorite people, talking and laughing and feeling very connected. Then I’d spent the afternoon with another of my very favorite people, talking and laughing and feeling very connected. Then I’d rushed home for a coaching call with another of my very favorite people. We talked and laughed and I felt very connected. Then I got an email from another of my very favorite people who asked for some coaching.

At that very appropriate moment, my cat dug his claws into my thigh. You’ve already got it, silly, he said. You’re already very connected to your right peeps. And you forgot about me! You’re so worried about not being connected you forgot that your most favorite, er, person, is sitting right here in your lap! He looked up at me, as he so often does, as if I were the most astonishing, frustrating alien creature.

The more I’m able to get a little distance from myself, the more I’m able to be the observer of me, the more I see how much I fret about not having what I already have. This realization doesn’t mean that I’m not open to more good stuff, to more connection with my right people. It just means that it’s not “out there” somewhere, something I need to try to grasp. It’s in here. I already have the essence of it in my life, in spades.

What’s the essence of what you want? Is it possible you already have it in your life? Try noticing.

4 thoughts on “What’s the Essence of What You Want?

  1. Jill, Love this post! The essence of what you want. The ESSENCE – such a beautiful word and concept! I’m inspired to contemplate this for myself.

    Thank you for your insight and beautiful stories you tell 🙂


    • Jen, I’m so glad it resonated for you! It is a really interesting thing to contemplate, isn’t it? Sometimes I get really hung up on the idea that I need very particular circumstances in my life, and I forget that what I’m actually desiring is the feeling state I think those circumstances will bring me. So I need to remind myself of this from time to time. Thanks so much for reading! 🙂


  2. Hey Jill, Great, great post. Here’s a question for you. WHat do you make of it when you want something very much but don’t know why and it continues to remain out of reach due to various conditions?

    peace, Hillary


    • Hey Hillary! Great question. I would try to get clear on the “why.” My hunch is that you probably do know why you want whatever it is, but maybe haven’t articulated it, or maybe are afraid to know the answer? Tell me where I’m wrong. When we’re clear on why we want something, it’s usually easier to obtain it, or we find that maybe we really didn’t want it in the particular form we thought we did — maybe we can have it in some other form, or maybe, in fact, we already have it!


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